Merry Latemas

I got lots for Christmas.
GPS. Kindle. Cologne. Rubix Cube. Clothes, lots of clothes.
AND TOMS <3 UGH.
So Merry Christmas.

And something about New Years. Grool.

My week. So far.

So, this was finals week. Luckily I didn't have to go Monday or Tuesday.

But of course on Wednesday I have two of my hard tests. History and Math.

I did "okay" on both of them, I think.

Also this is like, that week where you go to like grandparents houses and see people who tell me how tall I've gotten or how handsome I am. While I just stand there smiling and hugging them like I actually know who they are. Yea, I really don't, but I do remember pretending to know them last year.

Knowing my family they're probably a 15th cousin twice removed, or like a great aunt or something.

Now it's off to another grandmothers house.

Merry Christmas.

Ready for college.

I'm so ready for college. Sometimes I think I'm gonna miss high school, and I will a tiny bit. However, there is so much immaturity and cruelty within high school. It's ridiculous. College better not be like that or I'm just gonna be a homeless man. I'd be a cool homeless guy I think.

I'm ready to have a..... howl of a time in college.

So punny.

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Youth

I was talking to someone today about how teenagers have this perspective on life. They feel that they are just immune to everything. I pity those who don't realize that everything can be gone in a split second. I used to feel like I was just invincible and it would never happen to me. Then some things happened that made me realize that reality is upon you at all times.
In the words of Lady GaGa.. I do loathe reality. It's such a disadvantage.
Why can't everything just be the way we want it? Why can't we fly whenever we want?
Well, that's reality. And something about it is beautiful. The vulnerability. It's simply bliss.
I loathe human reality. I do not loathe the mental reality.
Escape to your mind once in a while and just sit in one spot for a long time. Meditate? If you will.
It's nice, actually. Try it. Now.
You're not invincible, by the way.

Feelings

So.. I feel disconnected.
With everything, it's so weird.
BUT. I was wondering, why do we put ourselves in some of the situations that we do? The situations I'm mainly talking about are relationships.
We know that the other person is going to hurt us, yet we continue to crawl back on our hands and knees to beg to be stabbed in the heart again. To those who avoid this their whole life, I'm envious. I wish that I had a perfect relationship. But I didn't. I wouldn't take it back. I would just take back some parts.
I learned so much though. And that is what matters most. As long as you take something away from the blaze, then you should not regret it.
That's my rant for the day.

TBH. Andrew David Poland.

Andrew, you have been many things to me. A deceiver. A bad boyfriend. A toxic influence. A liar. A cheater. Things I can never forgive you for. However, you have been many great things to me. You were always there for me to cry on your shoulder. You were always there when I felt alone. You were always there to hold me when I needed someone.
You were my everything and now you're sort of my friend. It's so complicated between us. Honestly though, after what you did, I sold myself short by staying with you and staying your friend.
When you moved away to college I sort of knew that we wouldn't be able to date, because there was no physical contact that kept me from breaking up with you. So I knew what I had to do. Our relationship was so corrupted by lies. It was horrible.
You were my best friend, though. And I loved you. I still do love you, Andrew. We've had our ups and downs. But just know that you will always have a place in my heart.
And.. Make sure.. PLEASE.. make sure. You treat your next boyfriend WAY better than you did me. If you don't I'm gonna kick your butt.